Dear Sunandan,
Once again, it’s ridiculously late in the night, music plays softly on the stereo and the room is dimly lit from an old lamp shining in the corner. I lay sprawled across the sofa, looking for some kind of inspiration to write, in the depths of my mind. An idea, or topic to write about. But I can’t find it. I pull myself up.
I’m stuck once more. In limbo. I don’t know what to write about. What to say. This happens to me a lot. So much so that I went from 16 posts in 2017 to just 3 up till now in this past year. That’s a decrease of about 80% in just my first year. If my calculations are correct. I hope.
Math was never a strength of mine.
Nevertheless, it’s a humungous difference. Evidently I’m not writing enough. My blog of randomness is short on content. It’s become like one of those TV channels that don’t have enough shows to fill their slots. And they have to rely on reruns to get through the day. That’s my case. Whenever I talk about my blog to anyone at all, it’s never a new thing. What writing I have to show, is always several months old. It’s dated. It’s different to how I think and feel currently. Cuz, I like everyone else, am always evolving. Always changing. And my blog is supposed to capture that. It’s the canvas on which the spiritual journey of my mind as I move forward in life, should be displayed. But the picture that you see is incomplete.
2018 is three splashes of paint on a frame that was meant for so many more. My words are missing. But why is that? Why is it that I’ve been unable to write regularly this year? I mean it’s not that it’s a very difficult process. It’s just words. Just my thoughts. And I can verify that thoughts aren’t something I’m short on.
To put it bluntly, I think I’ve just not given this as much importance as I should have. The number of times I actually sat down to write something are very likely less than the number of fingers I have on my hands. That is, very frankly, blasphemous. Thinking of myself as somebody who can weild a pen with some skill and having less than two thousand words to say in an entire year can only mean one of two things.
Either my literary expertise are godlike, and every word I utter is gold; or I am making a fool of myself. Sadly I’m inclined to think it is the latter. I mean…screw expertise. I don’t even know if I used that semi-colon correctly back there. Clearly then, there is some humble pie to be had.
Mmm… delicious.
Not to worry though. All is not lost. At least not yet. If I want to be able to keep my word of writing regularly, I’m simply going to have to make some changes to me. A change actually. Singular.
I shall just have to focus. Focus on what’s important.
Simple enough, you’d think. But it isn’t. Each day invariably brings forth a new kind of distraction to waste time upon. And thanks to technology being the loyal slave that it is, we have unlimited and unadultered access to it. Our insatiable thirst for content is matched only by the uncanny willingness of the universe to provide it. From mindnumbingly addictive video games to mindnumbingly idiotic public personalities. We are stimulated by anything. We want to be so. I don’t know why. I wish I did.
To escape from this sad reality, it seems I’ll have to train myself. Train myself to understand the bigger picture and the insignificance of everything that distracts me from doing all the things I should be doing. It’ll be hard, without a doubt. Trying to be different from how everyone else around me takes in and processes information. Different from how I’m used to being myself. But I have to try. I’d hate to regret not making an effort.
Life is too short to have regrets. And I already regret a whole bunch of things. One of them being that I don’t write enough. And the sooner I can change that, the better.
It seems poetic that this revelation with potentially life-changing consequences has come upon me right at the end of the year. Now I can say it’s my new year resolution to change for the better.
Nice.
Anyhow, I think that’s it from me this time. I’ll see you again in 2019. With new stories, new ideas and new blog posts. I promise. *fingers crossed*
Yours truly,
Sunandan